The Worst Invention Ever

Mankind has the uncanny ability to devise implements of evil...history has proven this time and again...the rack, thumb screws, even the handgun; each of these, along with so many other so-called 'advancements,' have proven how dark the mind and soul of man can be...these types of inventions were not developed with good in mind, but instead with negative intentions...but today, I came face to face with what could be mankind's greatest black eye, the one invention that rises in its evilness above all others...it was (insert ominous music) the plastic encasing that my new lawnmower blade came in...are you familiar with the kind of plastic wrapping I am referring to?...I don't mean basic cellophane that you simply crumple up and put in the trash...this stuff is far more sinister...just to open the package, you need a blowtorch or small explosives...OK, so that was an exaggeration, but you do need a fairly stout pair of scissors or a sharp knife, which is dangerous in and of itself...then, if you are able to get into it, to peel it back to remove the contents is nearly impossible due to its lack of pliability...it ranks up there with steel in that category...then, as you are pulling out the contents, be very careful, as the freshly cut edges are razor-sharp...I discovered this as the casing for the lawnmower blade sliced my finger open...not bad enough to require stitches, but bad enough to send a trail of blood running down my finger...if I had to remove one invention from the history of mankind, it would be this plastic encasing...

Raising Teenagers

Next weekend I get my semi-annual (or is it biannual? I always get those two confused) chance to use my preaching chops in Big Kid Church, as we youth and children's ministry-types like to call it...we are in the middle of a series called Extreme Makeover: Family Edition, and I get the task of tackling the Kid's Room: Raising Teenagers...this strikes me as quite funny...sure, I am the youth pastor and I studied youth ministry in seminary...plus, I read quite a bit on the subject of ministering to teens...but the closest I have ever come to raising anything is my dog Attie - who is still shy of one year old (human years) - and my jade plant that is a few years old...what do I know about raising teens?!?...it's pretty intimidating...the last two times I have preached, I have had someone write to complain about something nitpicky that I said or did in the course of the sermon that they didn't like...I can't wait to read my e-mail after this one!...but you know what?...it's like JD said when he preached here in February...he told the story of a four-year old that got in his parent's car and drove to the video store in the middle of the night, and finding it closed, drove home again...he then made the analogy that preaching the word of God feels kind of like that, trying to navigate this huge thing and feeling like you are four years old...I feel that way as I preach to parents on how to do their job...as a little child I come to God and ask Him to direct my driving skills...or lack thereof...

Returning Home

Currently, I am in Wilmore, Kentucky, home to Asbury Theological Seminary...this is where I spent four years of my life getting prepared for a life in full-time ministry...I ran into a friend at Subway, and I think he put it best as I gave him a hug...he said, simply, "Welcome home."...it does feel like home...I feel so comfortable and known here...the number of people that really do know me grows smaller and smaller each time I come back, but it still feels like running into family...I am supposed to be working on the sermon that I will be preaching in Big Kid Church the weekend after next, but it feels too good to stop what I am doing - visiting with people - to sit down and write...the number of hugs, smiles, and warm comments I have experienced have felt like what Red Bull must feel like to a teenager...I feel energized and refueled...thank you Wilmore and Asbury for providing me a place to come home to...I know it's not perfect and a lot has changed, but it's still home to me...

Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith

I went to see the new Star Wars movie and midnight-oh-one this morning...here are a couple of thoughts from this experience:

• The main reason I went to the very first showing was to see the freak show...I wanted to see the real fans dressed up as Darth Maul, Chewbacca, and Stormtroopers...that being said, I was quite disappointed...I only saw one guy dressed up as Darth Vader, and Chris was wearing Yoda ears...that's it!...where are all the freaks?...I guess I needed to go to the convention to witness that...
• Quick disclaimer: I am not dissing anyone by calling them freaks...I have dressed up and painted my face for football games...it's just that I am a fan of a different thing...we are all freaks of one kind or another...
• I'm getting too old for this kind of thing...maybe it's because we had a very high-energy Splash meeting that night, or maybe it's because I haven't been sleeping well, or maybe just because I am too old, but I was a Fitz bobblehead during much of the movie...I was doing the nodding-trying-to-stay-awake thing...I was awake for the majority of it, but it sure wasn't easy...
• I liked the movie...Marcy asked me when I got home if it was a 10...I am not a huge fan, so I didn't think so...I liked it quite a bit, but it was no Evil Dead 2...but if I were a big fan, I would probably give it a 10...there was a good plot line, excellent action scenes, and the big question of how Anakin turns into Darth Vader was answered with satisfaction...Nate said that he may have a new favorite Star Wars movie, so I guess it was pretty dang good...
• Judging from crowd reactions, Yoda is far and away everyone's favorite Star Wars character...he had a couple of pretty sweet Jedi moves that resulted in loud applause and laughter...he's pretty cool for a 900 year-old Muppet...

Hope you get a chance to see the movie...I recommend it highly...just not at midnight...

His Master's Voice

While I was in Memphis, Marcy and I stopped into a gift store to look for snow globes...side note: in case you didn't know, I collect tacky, cheap snow globes...the next time you go on vacation, you now know what to get me...anyway, back to the topic at hand...I saw a metal sign that had this logo on it from the RCA Victor Corporation (they made record players - records were CDs before there were CDs)...I read the caption: "His Master's Voice."...I grabbed it and showed it to Marcy and said, "This'll preach."...boy, will it ever...look at the dog...see how attentively he is listening for what his master has to say through the speaker...he is hanging on every word, just waiting to hear if he should stay, sit, or roll over...or maybe he is just listening to the master's voice because it is a familiar, calming sound to his ears...what he is listening for I don't know...but what I do know is that he is listening intently...just look at the tilt of his head...what if we listened to our Master this attentively?...Scripture tells us that God speaks in a still, small voice, so in order to hear Him amidst the clatter of everything else that is going on around us, we need to be intentional in clearing out all the other stuff so that we can hear the whisper...there are exceptions to the rule, but most of the time, God is whispering through a phonograph speaker, not shouting through a stack of concert speakers...are we listening?

Memphis

That's where I'm heading this weekend...taking Marcy there because she's never been there, and I've only been there on a drive-by...not a shooting, mind you...we just need to get away for a little bit...so we're going to check out the ducks at the Peabody, eat some BBQ at Rendezvous, and check out Mud Island...should be fun...if we have time, we will peer over the wall at Graceland, but probably won't pay the $15.00 to get in...if you haven't been to Memphis, you need to go just to see Elvis Presley Blvd....it is the ultimate in tacky junk...which means I fit right in...lata...

Getting Closer

Well, we are getting closer to figuring out what our summer programming and events will look like for youth group...what's that you say?...you want to know what we will be doing?...sorry, you will just have to wait to find out just like everyone else...just because you read my blog doesn't give you the right to have privileged information...and if you do read my blog, WHY AREN'T YOU VOTING IN MY POLL?!?!?...or maybe I am truly only one of only four readers of my blog...how sad is that :-(

I'm thinking about getting some cardboard standups to hang out around the youth area, but I'm not sure which ones to get...they don't make Napoleon Dynamite ones yet, so that's out...what do you think?...maybe Chewbacca?...maybe James Dean or Elvis?...Homer Simpson?...or maybe someone else?...let me know what you think...

Today has not been very productive...AAAARRRRGHGHGHHHH!!!...maybe tomorrow...

Lots of Random Stuff

I haven't had a bunch of time to blog lately...there have been many things that I have wanted to post about, but time has been a commodity that has been hard to come by in recent days...so, here are many of the things I wanted to make posts about, all wrapped up in one post, Reader's Digest condensed version:

• I saw an interesting fellow at Ichthus...he was obviously a veteran as he was dressed in military-looking garb...as he listened to the bands he walked around holding two things in his hand...one was a cross, about 12-18" high...the other was an American flag that was huge, like one you would hang from your porch on July 4th...while I admired this man's dedication and love for God and country, I wondered if he - and many of us - had the order mixed up: Country and god...how often do we get wrapped up in the concept that this is a "Christian country," and as a result, put the flag up there - or above - the cross?...why don't we carry a huge cross - as Jesus told us we must - and simply have the flag as a patch on our shirt, if at all?...
• Went and saw our local junior high's production of Annie...in a word, "Wow!"...they did an outstanding job...when I was in junior high, I was too busy drooling over Olivia Newton John to develop the kind of talent that they displayed...I was very pleasantly surprised at how well these students could sing...if any of you are reading, "GREAT JOB!!!"...
• Just when I thought I could have optimism about the Browns chances, it blows up in my face...I felt pretty good about their draft and the moves they made in free agency...I thought they had some good weapons on offense in their running game - especially with the addition of Rueben Droughns - and some good receiving threats with rookie Braylon Edwards and with Kellen Winslow, Jr coming back from injury...then I hear Droughns holds out for a new contract - I curse thee, Drew Rosenhaus - and Winslow screws himself up bad in a motorcycle wreck (which is, incidentally, a breach of contract)...alas, the life of a Cleveland fan, destined to be disappointed...
• We just finished up out fundraiser for our youth mission trips...so glad it's over...it was a major amount of stress, not to mention the majot amount of junk we sold...mad props to Carrie, Jill, and Marlene for heading it up...thanks to them, and to lots of volunteers both old and young, we raised close to $3,000.00!...praise God!...He is so good to us...
• Got my new Palm the other day, the Zire 72...although the desktop software is giving me headaches, I love the Palm itself...I got to take it to church and use it as my Bible, thanks to the software Marcy got me a while back...it also had an MP3 player and camera on it...yeah, it'll make me more productive, that's why I got it :-)...much fun...

I think I'll wrap is up there, and not just because I have to go to the bathroom, although that is foremost in my mind right now...have a great day...

Man, we have work to do...

It seems that a judge in Florida recently approved an abortion for a 13-year-old girl that has been in state custody for four years...how can we possibly expect our teens to make wise choices when they have so many people being poster children for unwise choices and calling it OK?...youth pastors, unite!...we have work to do...

42

That's the answer to life, the universe, and everything...if you have ever read any of the five-part trilogy by Douglas Adams known as The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, then you have a good idea what I'm talking about...if not, well, you probably don't...now, there is a long-awaited feature film in theaters based on the book...my good buddy Oral and I went to see it on Friday night, along with his daughter Madison...we really liked it!...it did the book justice because it contained much of the same style of humor as did the book...however, there were a couple of other people from our church at the same showing, Garrett and his dad Bart...I asked them at church what they thought of the movie, and they didn't so much like it...it turns out that they were not at all familiar with the book series...that explained it...if you like Douglas Adams and appreciate his style of humor, you will love the movie; if not, prepare to be confused...overall, I give it a 7.5-8...

To help you determine if you would like this movie, here are some memorable Douglas Adams quotes:

• I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
• Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
• The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
• Arthur Dent hoped and prayed there wasn't an afterlife. Then, realizing the contradiction, he merely hoped there wasn't an afterlife.
• In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
• On the way back, they sang a number of tuneful and reflective songs on the subjects of peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life, and the obliteration of all other life forms.
• A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
• For a moment, nothing happened.Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
• Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
• Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.
• There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
• Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

May your day be filled with laughter...