Friday, March 16, 2007

Competing Urges

One of Colin's favorite things to do is to look out the window that is right behind our couch. Ever since he was very small, he has enjoyed seeing the sights, staring at all of the various colors, and especially watching the cars go by. When he was younger, and was particularly fussy, I could take him out to the front porch and he would completely chill out while the cars whizzed by. He still loves that!

One of his daddy's favorite things to do is to cuddle him on the aforementioned couch. When he starts to get tired and whiny, and it's close to nap time, I like to take him over to the couch and let him cuddle against my chest. He doesn't always cuddle as good as he use to. He's more active and mobile now, so he tends to move around a bit. But, since he is so tired, he will stop moving, plop his head down onto my chest, and suck his thumb. It's one of the best feelings ever!

It is during these times that Colin faces a competition of urges. He is so tired, and he knows that he wants to - that he needs to - go to sleep, or at the very least, rest on Daddy's chest. But, the allure of the window is strong. He doesn't want to miss anything that happens out there, so he strains his neck and body to peer out the window, sometimes even crawling over me and standing on me to get a better view. But then the fatigue takes over and he drops back down to my chest to take a break. Then, back to the window. "What's going on out there? I think I heard something. Look! It's a car!" Then, back to the thumb and my chest. And the cycle continues until I finally take him to his room, sing him his song, and put him down in his crib to sleep. No more choices. No more tough decisions. Just rest.

I am so much like my son, it's scary. I deal with the same competition of urges. Only my choices have nothing to do with the window and the couch. My choices look more like, do I take time to read my Bible or check on my March Madness bracket? Do I set aside time at work to pray for my job or do I just jump in with both feet and get to work? Do I sit up later than I should to do essentially nothing online or do I get the sleep I so badly need? There's nothing intrinsically wrong with March Madness, or work, or checking out my web favorites. Just like there's nothing wrong with looking out the window. But there is a better choice. I feel like Paul, who said that he wants to do one thing, but ends up doing something else. It's not like I'm choosing between praying and robbing a bank, or reading my Bible and getting sloppy drunk, but there is still a competition for my time. And no matter how seemingly harmless many of the things are in our lives, there are frequently better choices to be made. I just know that I don't always - and sometimes, seldom - choose the better thing. But those times that I do, I can rest.

Jesus, help me to choose the better thing, and give me rest.

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