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That's the answer to life, the universe, and everything...if you have ever read any of the five-part trilogy by Douglas Adams known as The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, then you have a good idea what I'm talking about...if not, well, you probably don't...now, there is a long-awaited feature film in theaters based on the book...my good buddy Oral and I went to see it on Friday night, along with his daughter Madison...we really liked it!...it did the book justice because it contained much of the same style of humor as did the book...however, there were a couple of other people from our church at the same showing, Garrett and his dad Bart...I asked them at church what they thought of the movie, and they didn't so much like it...it turns out that they were not at all familiar with the book series...that explained it...if you like Douglas Adams and appreciate his style of humor, you will love the movie; if not, prepare to be confused...overall, I give it a 7.5-8...

To help you determine if you would like this movie, here are some memorable Douglas Adams quotes:

• I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
• Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
• The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
• Arthur Dent hoped and prayed there wasn't an afterlife. Then, realizing the contradiction, he merely hoped there wasn't an afterlife.
• In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
• On the way back, they sang a number of tuneful and reflective songs on the subjects of peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life, and the obliteration of all other life forms.
• A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
• For a moment, nothing happened.Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
• Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
• Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.
• There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
• Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

May your day be filled with laughter...

Annual Ichthus Awards

Just got back yesterday from the Ichthus Music Festival in Wilmore, KY...took my youth group again this year, 12 students and 5 leaders total...we had a great weekend, judging from the grades that everyone gave the weekend...now here are my own random awards from Ichthus 2005:

Needs Less Caffeine Award
This one goes to the drummer for Mute Math...when he came out on the stage with his headphones duct taped - literally - to his head, I thought, "Here's another one of those rocker-types doing something weird to make a name for himself."...boy, was I wrong!...the dude never stopped moving, to the point that I thought his head - with the headphones attached - was going to fall off...the lead singer was pretty energetic, too, but nothing compared to this guy...after watching Mute Math play, all the other drummers looked pretty boring...

Sybil Award
This award goes to the one that shows the most sides to his/her personality (see the IMDB listing for the movie Sybil)...easily, this goes to the weather...we were expecting rain the entire weekend, as we got last year causing a ridiculous amount of mud...instead, we ran the gamut...it was nice on Thursday and most of Friday...then Friday night, severe storms and tornado warnings blew in, forcing us to run for our lives...then Saturday, it was windy and cold and it eventually snowed...I think Jordan put it best: "This is the first time in my life that I have gotten a sunburn, run from a tornado, and been snowed on in three days."...how true...

Jughead Award
Has to go to Trevor...I knew he had never been to Ichthus before, so I asked him, "Have you ever been to a festival before?"...to which he replied, "A peach festival."...I almost dope-slapped him right then and there in Wendy's, but I was laughing too hard...

Jughead Award Runner-Up
Has to be Jordan...a group was playing Catch Phrase...the word was "honey"...the clue given was, "What is sticky and inside a bear?"...he replied with, "Gummi? (as in Gummi Bears)...dope-slap...

Overcoming Fear Award
Studies show that public speaking is always at the top of people's worst fears...there were several people who showed that this fear can be overcome...Duffy Robbins was great and very funny as he spoke about taking the leap for Jesus...Mike Breaux from Willow Creek was my personal favorite as he spoke about saying, "Whatever and Wherever" to God and making ripples in the world...but the award goes to Adrian Despres as he really shook the worlds of a lot of the people in the crowd - including some that came with us - as he challenged them to sit in the first seat, the seat of being sold-out for Jesus...

Making Us Feel Like Family Award
This one is a tie: Fran and Nina...they let us invade their homes and stay with them this weekend, going against every possible common sense that they might have had...thanks big time Fran and Niner!...

I Think I'm Going To Puke Award
This year, it's not going to Hannah...she steered clear of Fazoli's, thank goodness...she still got a little sickly, but nothing compared to last year...this year, the award goes to GattiTown...where else can you eat enormous quantities of pizza and then spin in circles on the bumper cars?...pretty fun...

What Were They Thinking Award
Michael W. Smith as the festival closer...come on!...is it still the late 80s/early 90s, or is it 2005?!?...heck, two of our students had no idea who he was!...I know I didn't go see him, but I'm pretty sure they could have done better...actually, most of Saturday's lineup was pretty weak...that's why we went to GattiTown...

They Didn't Gargle With Thumb Tacks Award
Many of the artists at Ichthus are know for their screaming: Pillar, Kutless, Thousand Foot Krutch, Skillet, etc...for a vocal purist, it must have been painful...but then along came Saturday afternoon, which featured Watermark and Selah...very smooth vocals with great harmonies...they brought some nice balance to the festival...

Put Him On The Board Of Trustees Award
We took a tour of Asbury College on Friday before heading over for the shows...Drake could have done the tour...he had most of the answers for any question brought up on the tour, including some that the tour guide didn't know...I think he knows where he's going when he graduates...

Colgate Poster Child Award
Peter Furler of the Newsboys had the most unique singing style...it was like he just got hired to promote Colgate's latest whitening toothpaste...he sang the entire show through his teeth, like he was some kind of creepy ventriloquist...I just wish he had some chunk of parsley stuck in his teeth...now that would have been funny...

Show Of The Year Award
I have to go with Mute Math...I know most of our students will get upset with me over this pick, as they all seem to drool all over themselves about Relient K...but their show was pretty normal compared to the originality and energy that Mute Math displayed...maybe next year they'll be on main stage...

We Missed You Award
Definitely goes to tobyMac...no one in Christian music puts on a show like him, so we were all quite excited about seeing him on Friday night...sadly, thanks to the severe weather, his show was cancelled...I want a refund!...

I think that's quite enough awards for this year...overall, we had a great time...if you missed it this year, make sure you save up the days you can miss from school for the festival next year...

Pray for J.

The coolest thing happened to me the other day...I was in the middle of my Saturday morning ritual: eating donuts and drinking coffee while reading at the local donut shop...one of the girls that works there - we'll call her J. - approached me and asked if she could interrupt me...I told her to go ahead and have a seat, which she did...she said, "I know I don't know you very well, but I can tell you are a strong Christian, so I want to know if you would pray for me."...that about blew me away!...I don't know that anyone has come up to me, relatively out of the blue, and told me that they could tell I was a Christian, let alone a strong Christian...I feel pretty humbled by that...anyway, to continue with the story, J. filled me in on a lot of crud that she is having to deal with right now, which I won't get into...I told her I would pray for her and check in with her in 2 weeks (I won't be at the donut shop next week, as I'll be at Ichthus)...so if you are reading this and are the praying sort of person, please pray for J....she could use it...

My Kids Are Cooler Than Yours

I only have a few minutes before I have to head out the door for D-Group...last night at Splash - our junior high program - I told the utes how much I liked them...I really think they are cool, along with our senior highers...seriously...I love being able to work with them and just hanging out with them...after Splash, I was outside with them waiting for their parents to come pick them up and Brianne and Toni were acting completely ridiculous, like they had injected Mello Yello directly into their veins...it was hilarious!...my face hurt from laughing and smiling...and on Sunday, our senior highers did such a great job giving their input about the future of our youth ministry...I have the best job, and the coolest kids...yes, they're cooler than yours...

I Sorta' Know What He Feels Like

I don't know how many times I have heard - or taught on - the story of the Prodigal Son...if you are unfamiliar with it, it is about a man who had two sons...one day, the younger of the sons tells his father, "I wish you were dead! I want my inheritance."...the father concedes and gives him his share of the money...it doesn't take long before the son has bottomed out, spending all of the money on wild, sinful living...he decides that he needs to go home and apologize to his father and ask him if he can live as one of his servants...when he does, the father does something surprising...instead of punishing the son or making him apologize, he runs to him (he was looking for him), throws his arms around him, and throws him a huge party...his son, presumed lost and dead was now found and alive!...the father didn't care about all of the things his son might have done to waste the money and destroy his life...the only thing that mattered right now was celebrating the return of his son...

My dog ran away yesterday...Marcy and I were exhausted from a weekend with family and not much sleep...I was pretty excited about sitting in the recliner for a couple of hours between the SIMY meeting I had that ended at 3pm and the Vision Parties that I needed to be at by 6:30pm...as I was drifting off to sleepyland, I was startled awake by Marcy's voice: "Mike, Attie's gone!"...I had put her on the leash in the yard, and apparently she saw something that caught her eye because her collar was still attached to the leash and broken...we ran around the house calling for her...I then ran to the garage and got on my bike while Marcy got in my car and we began the search...I rode around calling her name trying to figure out where she might have gone...I asked every person I came across if they had seen her...some had, and they helped to narrow down our search area...finally, I saw Marcy walking across a field pointing in the direction that she saw Attie...I rode across the field, and when I got near the train tracks, I dropped my bike and began running...then I saw her!...I would have run to her, but I didn't want to scare her...so I called her name, and she stopped and looked at me...then when she recognized my voice and my face, she came running across the jagged rocks...she reached me and buried her head under my legs...I had no thought about punishing her or yelling at her...I was too overjoyed that we had found her...she had been lost, out on some great adventure, while I - and Marcy - was frantically searching for her, wanting her to come home...when at last we found her, the joy far overwhelmed any anger or disappointment that potentially could have been there...my dog was lost and dead, but now she is found and alive!...

I sorta' know what the dad felt like now...

Teens and Blogs

I was doing some research on teens and blogs the other day and came across an article that cites some interesting stats and info on teens and blogs...the stats come from David Huffaker of Northwestern University, a reasearcher of teens and online communities:

• This "blogosphere," experts say, has an estimated 2 million to 4 million personal journals, with kids ages 13 to 19 maintaining about half of them.

That means 1-2 million teens are communicating through the use of blogs...what a huge ministry outlet this could be, and probably should be...I have had a number of my students ask me questions based on something they have read on this blog...that's very much cool!...not sure how many of the kids in my youth group have blogs, but I am working to find out...it seems, according to what I have read, that teens will be much more open and honest about their lives on a blog than they would be face-to-face...we who work with youth should use this resource to get inside the minds and hearts of our youth...

Best Weekend of Basketball Ever?

For my money, yes it was...three of the four games determining the Final Four in men's college basketball went into OT...two of the games featured unprobable comebacks: Louisville coming back from a 20-point deficit in the first half, and Illinois going on a 17-3 run in the last 3:19 of regulation to go into OT with Arizona...and what about that 3-point shot that Sparks from UK hit to tie the game against Michigan State after having missed the front end of a one-and-one not too much earlier (and he was fouled, too)...but probably the best part of the whole weekend was Marcy saying, "I like basketball!"...I got her hooked...the plan is working...Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! (evil laugh)...

My bracket is still shot, though...having said that, I am rooting for Illinois so it can be said that the team that ruined their hopes for a perfect season was The Ohio State Buckeyes...Go Bucks!...

Maybe

I have been thinking about the word maybe lately...what a great word!...it sounds all kinds of wishy-washy to most people, but I have come to really appreciate its implications...I think I really started to think about it as I was writing my meditation for our Good Friday Service (see I Thirst)...my last paragraph used the word maybe eight times...throughout the rest of the meditation, I used other synonyms: possibly, perhaps, it could be, etc...this is a great word to have in one's vocabulary if one claims to be a Christian...I know, faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen...I know that faith is supposed to be security in that what I believe about God and Jesus is fact...but there is so much about God and the Christian faith that is a great big MAYBE...God is so mysterious that it is difficult - impossible - to really wrap your mind around everything that is God...when you get to the point that you stop saying maybe about God, that means you have Him all figured out and can put Him in a nice small package with a bow on top...then you can distribute your knowledge and expertise to those around you because you do have Him all figured out...that's not the kind of God I want to serve...I want to serve a God that is so big and so amazing that I am forced to say maybe all the time...maybe God is this way, but maybe He is that way...maybe God meant this when He said _________, but maybe He meant that...look at the Salem Witch Trials, for example...I'm sure (or maybe) they were convinced that they were acting totally within the will of God and doing what He would want them to do...nowadays, we would question their wisdom...or the Crusades, same thing...so I guess the next time I say that I know something about God, maybe I need to say maybe...

I Thirst

We are having a Good Friday service at our church...during the service, seven different people will be sharing about the seven last words of Christ...I will be sharing about his words, "I thirst. (John 19:28)" Here is what I plan on sharing (this will be a preview if you go to La Croix):

I thirst.

What was going through Jesus’ mind as he hung on the cross and uttered the words, “I thirst.”? Surely, he must have been thirsty, after all he had been through and now, hanging there in the heat of the day, with the dust from the roads caked on his lips and in his throat. Swallowing must have been a chore by now. Have you tried to swallow when you have been parched? Not the easiest thing to do. Jesus, well beyond parched, now lets it be known that he is thirsty. But was it simply the dehydration that he was experiencing that urged him to say this? Or was something else in his thoughts?

Perhaps he thought about the time when he sat at a wedding feast with his friends. When the wine ran out, Mary asked Jesus to do something about it. Although Jesus was at first hesitant – he did, after all, come for a different purpose than this – he proceeded to have the servants fill six jugs to the brim with water. You probably know how the story turned out – he miraculously turned the water into wine, 150 gallons’ worth! That’s a lot of wine. Maybe he was thinking about how good just one sip from that huge amount of water – or wine – would taste right now.

Or maybe he remembered how one night, he took a stroll across the surface of the Sea of Galilee, and called for his disciple and friend Peter to come out. And he did, walking across the water with him. Or another time when he was awakened by the disciples’ panicked cries to do something about the storm raging around their boat. And he shouted at the pounding rain and the howling wind and the crashing waves to, “Be still!” and they listened to him. If he can make the waves and the rain stop, surely he can make them start again to come and quench his thirst.

Possibly he thought back to the very beginning of his public ministry. Not the day he was born, or even the day that he taught the smart religious guys in the Temple when he was only twelve years old. No, the day he may have considered was the day of his baptism. How fresh the water was that day as his friend and relative John the Baptist lived up to his name and baptized Jesus. That kicked off a life and a ministry that would change the course of the world. But maybe he wasn’t thinking about all that. Maybe he just remembered the coolness of the water as it washed over and around him.

Or it could be that he thought back even further than that. Maybe he remembered how he created everything, how he hovered over the water on the earth, how he then separated the water above from the water below with a little thing we call atmosphere, and then formed bodies of dry land to separate the waters on the earth. John tells us that through Jesus, all things were made. He created everything. He created water. Surely he could create just a little sip to sooth his cracked lips.

And there was that woman. That Samaritan woman that he ran into in the middle of a day much like this one. He told her that he was thirsty then, too. Let’s face it; he and his band of disciples had been traveling quite a while. We don’t know if she ever gave him something to drink. But we do know that he told her that he could give her water that would ensure that she would never get thirsty again. He called it living water. She tasted of it that day and found that the Lord was good! But couldn’t Jesus now access that same thirst-quenching water so he wouldn’t have to be thirsty anymore?

Or maybe it wasn’t any of those. Maybe he was in too much torment to think about anything apart from his current circumstances. Maybe he realized that he needed to experience completely the agony of the parched lips and dehydrated body to go along with the other pain he felt so he knew in all its fullness the thirst we feel. Maybe it wasn’t his main intent at all to get something to drink when he said that he was thirsty. Maybe he said it for us. Maybe it was just one more way for Jesus to point back to all the things that were predicted about the coming Messiah – the Savior, the Anointed One, The Christ – and show how they pointed to him. Maybe he was reminding those at the foot of the cross how the writer of the Psalms prophesied that the Messiah would be given vinegar to slake his thirst, which is what they eventually gave to Jesus. Maybe this was yet another step that Jesus took to prove that he was, in fact, the Messiah. Israel’s Messiah. Our Messiah.

I thirst.

30 Hour Famine Update

Jonesy, this post is for you...as stated last week, we held our 30 Hour Famine this past weekend...all in all, I would have to say it was a success...some could look at it as not quite a success - we had several no-shows, we didn't reach our financial goal, etc. - but I think it was a success...the centerpiece of the weekend was a game that the 30HF people developed called Tribe...very cool!...it is a Survivor-esque game in which everyone is divided up into tribes which then compete in certain activities for Survival cards...and the games are not just random, have fun-type games...they were fun, but they also had a point to each one...just before each game, facts about the area we were focusing on - Kenya - were read (such as walking 14 miles to go to school)...this made the activities meaningful, instead of just crazy, mash food in your hair kind of stuff...it seemed like the kids enjoyed themselves, and that they learned something during the weekend...a couple of random notes:

• One kid stood out to me the entire weekend...I will keep his name anonymous (we'll call him A)...what stood out to me was how outwardly-focused he was...there was another kid (we'll call him B) who doesn't exactly fit in to the cool kid crowd...so he was often by himself...but not for very long at any time, because it seemed like whenever he was by himself, A would come along and hang with him...at the very last activity, the break-fast meal, B was eating all by himself...but before I had a chance to go sit by him, A sat right down with him and ate with him...A showed to me that he really knew what the weekend was about, and that it wasn't about him...
• Last year, I didn't hear one person complain or get ugly...this year, much of the same...it did get a little ugly at times, but that was mostly in the heat of competition...I think the lack of food, coupled with the desire to win, got to be a nasty combination at times...not real nasty, but we saw a little less kindness than we did when we were just sitting around...
• A good chunk of our Famine was spent at a neighboring church...why, you ask?...they have a gym...I know it's not in the near future for our church, but it sure would be nice to have a large area like that for our youth...just hanging out and playing dodgeball was a blast...we have a great youth area, but size-wise, it is limiting...
• One thing I like about the Famine is that it is one overnight activity that we make the youth sleep during...since we aren't getting energy from our usual source - food - we have to get it some other way...so we require that they sleep...and I'll tell you what, they didn't argue...they were ready to sleep...it was nice to not have to fight with them to go to sleep...
  
• As far as I know, we only had one person afflicted with projectile vomiting...usually, someone stuffs themselves silly at the break-fast meal and pays the price by bringing it all back up...but as far as I know, that only happened to one person this year...of course, that person was me...only three bites of salad and two bites of pasta were enough to send me over the edge...I hope I never have to drink juice again...
• I read a statistic cited from Christianity Today a week or two ago that startled me...it said that it all American Christians started tithing, giving in America would go up $143 billion...and how much would it cost to provide essential service like basic health care and education all of the world's poor people?...$70-80 billion!...we, who have it so good, are not doing our job...

Here endeth my ruminations on the 30 Hour Famine 2005...

30 Hour Famine

If you pop across this blog, please say a prayer for me, our SIMY (those are our adult leaders in the youth ministry), and about 40+ kids...we are doing the 30 Hour Famine this weekend, starting at 6pm tonight...pray for strength and energy...more importantly, pray that this will make a difference in our lives and greatly expand our worldviews...

Uneasiness

I guess that's generally how I feel right now...and it's not just because Marcy just left for a few days to Willow Creek for their Children's Ministry Conference...I feel uneasiness over this whole idea of being in ministry...I don't really know how to explain it except to note a few thoughts that I have had recently:

• This past Sunday, I did a lesson on four of the "I am" statements of Jesus, particularly the bread of life, the light of the world, the door, and the vine...I had a tangible object for each one to demonstrate the meaning of the analogy, such as the loaf of bread we baked and that I ate while I taught (they weren't happy about that one)...overall, I thought it was good lesson and it made the stories more concrete in their minds...what made me uneasy was the thought that I was still performing...I have always had a performance mentality about life, that I need to always be performing for people...I have bad dreams about this, such as being on stage and not knowing how to play the piano I am supposed to play...what happens if I stop performing and just be, what would the ministry look like?...I know the need for authenticity is there, and I think I'm being authentic, but what if I don't craft a good lesson?...will I lose kids?...can I afford to take the risk?...even when I read Scripture in church, people often tell me, "You did a great job reading Scripture. You really make it come to life."...that bothers me...sure, it makes me feel good, but isn't the Word of God living and active all by itself...then it's not me doing the bringing to life part...but I still feel like I need to perform well to live up to some sort of expectations that I place on myself or that are imposed upon me...
• I heard a comment that made me go, "Hmmmm... (props to Arsenio Hall)"...we are having a capital campaign to build a dedicated children's ministry area, which I am totally on board for...but the comment that caused me pause was, "La Croix is church at its best," or something to that effect...wow, that is a huge statement to make!...we do church well, if you can do church well...we are growing, people are coming to know the Lord and growing in their faith...but is that all there is to church at its best?...I wonder if we are doing enough to support the orphans, widows, and aliens in our midst...I wonder if we could be more of a praying church (I know that is one of Ron's desires for our church, which I applaud him for)...are we focusing too much on evangelization, and not enough on promoting the Kingdom of God, whatever that really means?...I think La Croix is a great church, doing lots of great ministry, and I am very grateful that God has opened doors to allow me to work here...we do many things well, but are we "church at its best"?...that's a lofty claim to make...
• I have had at least five of my students tell me that they are thinking about full-time ministry as a career option...that should make me go, "WOO-HOO!" not cause uneasiness, right?...but I wonder how many of those will actually go on to such a future...I hear the statistics about the percentage of college-aged students that go to church regularly (according to Ron, it is 2% on any given Sunday)...and the other day I asked Marcy, "I wonder how many of our students will still be going to church when they are in college."...we have solid kids in our program...I look up to many of them, and I truly believe that they will buck the trend...I believe that a strong percentage of them will still be in church after they graduate...and I believe that some of them will go into full-time ministry...but you never know...and that's what makes me uneasy...
• This doesn't cause me uneasiness, but it makes me wonder: Why do people that smoke roll down their car windows when they smoke? Is it because they don't like the smell? Then why smoke? Just a thought...

Please hear this...I am not doubting my job, my calling, my church, or my kids...this is just a wandering and wondering moment in my life...

Cleveland Deserves Better

So my dad calls me today and tells me about an article he read in ESPN The Magazine...in it, he says, they rank all of the major pro sports franchises - hockey is not a major sports - in terms of such things as performance, coaching, ownership, ticket affordability, fan appreciation, and player likeableness...he asked me to guess where the Cleveland Browns ranked...I knew they would finish quite low, so I shot at 75...he then told me that I was 15 off...the Browns rated as the worst franchise in all of football, baseball, and basketball!...how horribly embarrassing...they have such great history and such great fans...doesn't Cleveland deserve better?...I like Crennel as the head coach...here's hoping he can turn things around so we can finish closer to the top...or at least not dead last...

The Bible and R-Rated Movies

What is one of the struggles parents and youth pastors have with teenagers?...wishing that they would read the Bible more...we recognize the importance of being literate in the Word of God...we stress that they set aside time in each day to spend time reading the Bible, and yet we hear the words, "It's boring," or, "I don't have time," far too often...so we continue to emphasize it...

On the flip side, another message that we hammer into their heads is being careful what they are watching or listening to...whether we are talking about R-rated movies, rap music, or questionable TV shows, we are concerned that what they are consuming will have a negative impact on their thought lives, attitudes and behaviors...so we try to steer them clear of these influences...

These two thoughts forced me to pose a question to Marcy this morning: Why do we tell our students to read the Bible more, and at the same time tell them to not watch R-rated movies?...this came on the heels of me reading Judges 19...in this passage, a woman is raped and abused repeatedly, to the point of death...her master, upon discovering her body, cuts her body into twelve pieces, and sends the pieces to the tribes of Israel as a message that the guilty would be punished...can you imagine a movie being made out of this story?...it would probably have a difficult time getting an R-rating, as would many stories in the Bible...The Passion of the Christ managed an R-rating, but from what I understand, it still did not depict the severity of what Jesus experienced...so how do we tell the students to watch what they are consuming, but also stress reading the Bible?...if they are really consuming the Bible, they are putting some pretty horrible stuff into their heads...Marcy's answer was that movies were more visual and stick with you longer than the written word...my comeback was that The Blair Witch Project was one of the scariest films I have ever seen, and yet they didn't show anything scary...it was all in my mind...so do images really stick with you longer?...

This, then, brought another question to mind: If the Bible were being written today, would it still be written as a book, or would it be something else?...would it be a screenplay for a movie; a weekly sitcom; a computer program; or something else?...what form would the Bible take if written today?...Marcy contends that it would still be a book because they are more timeless than the other media...I think what makes books timeless is the fact that they have been around a long time...let's face it, movies, TV shows, radio, computers, all of these have been around a very short time...and besides, the Bible wasn't written as a book...it was written as scrolls, songbooks(scrolls), told as stories, written as letters, etc....so what would today's Bible looks like?...

Finding Neverland

I went and saw this movie last night with Marcy for Valentines Day...I can never remember if "Valentines" should have an apostrophe or not, but I digress...the movie stars Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet...I have always liked Johnny Depp, and Kate Winslet is quickly becoming one of my favorite actresses, especially after her performance in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind...again, I digress...this movie, Finding Neverland, is an absolute joy...it is the story of J. M. Barrie, the author of Peter Pan...the movie is a beautiful look at the power of imagination...we are able to look into the mind of this creative genius as he writes and shows to others their innate imaginative abilities...I won't get into details about the movie; I'll let you see it for yourself...and do this - see it!...you will not regret it...you might cry - Marcy and I both did - but you will still be happy you saw this movie...

The Grammys

A couple of notes from last night's Grammy awards show...let it be known that I watched very little of the show, actually...but on what I saw I feel the need to make some comments:

• Kanye West...I have heard a little bit about this guy and his song Jesus Walks...I was glad that I got a chance to hear him finally...that was a great performance!...I loved the beginning, with Mavis Staples and the Blind Boys of Alabama...then West did a great job with the close...I read this morning that he was the leading nominee of the evening, but only walked home with three Grammys...can't say whether I agree or disagree with him losing so often, but I know I liked that performance...
• On the flip side, I hated the performance for the tsunami relief effort...wow, was that horrible!...the only one that actually sounded decent on the Beatles song was Bono...Norah Jones looked like she had no interest in being there at all (nice stage presence)...and what was up with Steven Tyler shaking the maracas?...like Marcy said, "It's no We Are The World."...OK, Steveie Wonder on the harmonica was great, but the camerawork was awful, as they didn't show him until halfway through it...it's a shame that this is the performance that they are trying to raise money with...maybe if it was a better one, they might make some more money...
• Steven Curtis Chapman won for his pop gospel category, or whatever it was...now don't get me wrong, I like SCC...but hasn't he been putting out the same album for the past several years?...to be truthful, I haven't heard his latest disc, but to beat out Jars of Clay, it had to have been really good...or maybe, the Grammy voters don't really listen to the gospel categories, and instead go off of name recognition...hmmm...
• On a related note, how did Third Day beat out tobyMac?...I'm just asking...
• I was glad to see that Ray Charles raked in eight statues...well deserving...I am looking forward to seeing the movie about him
• Is it just me, or is Usher just a poor man's Michael Jackson, without the weird tendencies?...

I welcome your comments and rebuttals...

Cell Phone Dilemma

My cell phone plan at Cingular just ended in January...that means it is time to re-up, sign up for a new plan and get a fancy new phone...there are so many options out there...do I want another Nokia (my last two phones), or a Motorola, or maybe a Sony Ericcson, or how about an LC or Samsung?...which one is best?...I have no idea...then, do I want a regular candy bar style phone, or do I want to go for a flip phone this time?...judging by the number of times Marcy has accidentally added a random number to the address book or sent someone a text message while the phone was in her purse with the numbers unlocked, conventional wisdom would tell me to get the flip phone...but I've heard they're not as good...then the question of what features I want comes into play...I really like the idea of the speakerphone so I can be safer while driving...I also like the camera phones, but will that get old quick?...what about web surfing or Bluetooth?...as you can see, there are so many questions to be answered...I would love whatever feedback any of you might have for me...I'm really hoping to hear from Jonesy, because judging from his blog, he is a tech guru...anyway, if you have any thoughts, just click on the Comments thing below and add your comments...thanks in advance...

EPIC Stuff

Leonard Sweet came to our church this week for a seminar that was put on by the district...it was called Summoned to Lead and the focus was evangelism in the culture in which we find ourselves...there was so much good stuff, that I may have to make a couple of posts to summarize it all...and then again, I may not...we'll just have to wait and see...one thing that I wanted to make sure I got out there for others to appreciate was the idea that the way we need to reach people is EPIC...one of my good friends, Trey Carey, once told me that the most important thing to know about doing youth ministry is the effective use of acronyms...EPIC, of course, is an acronym that Sweet used to discuss our evangelism...and to spell it out, he exegeted a Starbucks coffee cup (brilliant!)...our evangelism needs to be:

• Experiential
• Going to Starbucks is not about the coffee; it's about the experience
• Starbucks wants to handle the experience, so they give you a cup holder to protect your hands...they don't apologize for the experience - the temperature of the coffee - as some other establishments might
• Every experience needs to be as positive as possible
• His point: Church and a relationship with God should not be about putting on a good show, giving people a good product...it should be about finding ways to allow the individual to experience God in His fullest sense
  
• Participatory
• You can't just order a cup of coffee at Starbucks; you participate in the ordering process (I'll have a double-shot of espresso in my skinny venti latte - totally made that up)
  
• You should have to learn the language that goes into the experience (venti, latte, black eye, etc.)
• Culture is increasingly interactive and participatory
• His point: Church has gotten really good at providing a show for people, but does not give the individual the opportunity to participate...we have gotten away from making the individual learn the language (Doxology, sanctification, etc.)...this culture needs to participate...one way Sweet allows the people to participate is to almost have an open-ended discussion with them as he preaches, while a "dancing partner" is on Google putting images on the screen that relate to whatever they are talking about at the present time - ultra-cool!
  
• Image rich
• Consistent image in all Starbucks...if you go to one in Ohio or one overseas, you will recognize it as a Starbucks
• Starbucks communicates more in their images and less than in words
• His point: He led a discussion of Paul, focusing on his back...he had us describe Paul: was he short? what color hair did he have? intense or carefree? etc....then he looked at the way Paul describes himself in 2 Corinthians 11 (five times he received 40 lashes minus one, three times beaten with rods, once he was stoned, etc.)...then he had us imagine what his back must have looked like after all of that abuse...it put our image of Paul in a much different light
  
• Connection
• There has been a migration in our society from rural (with huge wraparound porches) to urban (small front porch) to suburban (no front porch and gaping garage to swallow you up)...Starbucks created a front porch for us to visit and connect in
• Society has given us relationship ministers (Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura, Oprah)...shows that we are hungry for relationships
• The first commandment in the Bible is to eat freely from any tree in the Garden; the last is to drink freely; everything in between is the table at which we sit and dine with Jesus
• His point: The church needs to be a place where people can connect with one another...also, it is not enough to make the church that kind of place...the Great Commission says to go, so we need to be creating that kind of community wherever we find ourselves

This is a very cursory summary of what Sweet had to say in the first part of the seminar...and not nearly as profound as what he actually presented...needless to say, he gave me plenty to chew on as far as what the youth ministry at La Croix looks like...so much to think about, so little time...

Lessons Learned From The Bunny Slope

This past weekend I went with my wife and her family to Snowshoe Mountain in West Virginia for my first ever skiing experience...I have never been a big winter sports kind of guy...my idea of winter sports is watching college basketball while I lay in the recliner under a blanket...I tried ice skating once and almost died when I fell head-first onto the ice...so I was feeling not just a little trepidation for what would happen...to make a long story short, I didn't break anything, contrary to what I thought would happen...granted, I didn't make it off the bunny slope, but people were still getting injured on it, so for me to not get a broken something was still an accomplishment...and while I was there, I recognized quite a few life lessons that can be gleaned from my skiing weekend...it's sort of like Everything I Needed To Know In Life I learned While Skiing (or if not everything, at least a few things)...in no particular order:

• Anything worth having is going to take some work and pain
• Our day started on Friday by getting suited up and starting off with a three-hour lesson...so here we are, in the fog and snow, learning how to do advanced things like taking steps and moving...our instructor, a former Baptist evangelist, was showing us how to walk sideways up a hill...that wasn't so hard, but I can honestly say that my feet have never hurt as bad as they were at that time...I don't know if there was just no support in the boots or if I was just using my feet in a way I had never done before, but I was literally leaning on my wife trying to take some of the pressure off (she apparently was in no pain at all)...I was tempted to quit, but I figured that giving it only a half-hour was not exactly the 'old college try'...
• Then later, as we skiied, going straight was great...but then, at some point, I would have to stop or turn...that was not as great...it wasn't as easy as turning or stopping when walking...I actually had to think about it to do these things..."O.K., now which foot do I put pressure on? What do I do with the other foot? Is it called a wedge or a pizza? Why does this snow taste so gross?"...and invariably, I would wipe out...fortunately, none of my spills were bad; I was, after all, on the bunny slope...but as I watched as lots of other people, young and old, glide down the hill, I thought, "I wonder how many times they fell down?"...I'm sure it took lots and lots of spills and wipeouts to get as good as they are...so I guess if you want to get good at something and get to the point where it is actually enjoyable, you have to put the time and effort in and be willing to deal with some pain along the way...
• Pride doesn't get you anywhere
  
• As mentioned already, I didn't make it off the bunny slope...Marcy's niece, who is eight years old, made it up to the next level, the green slopes...I think, in my past, I would have taken this as a challenge to my manhood..."There's no way I'm going to let an eight year old girl be better than me! I'm going to the black diamond!"...and then they would be picking up my remains off of the mountain...you know what, in certain things, I'm pretty much OK with being a wuss...I may get made fun of, but at least I can walk today...
• Focus on the goal, or the day to day will wear you out
• On the second day of our trip, we went to a tubing run...they had four runs on the side of this huge hill with a mound of snow and ice between each one so you were sure to stay in your lane...we each had an inner tube on which we sat or laid down while sliding down this hill...each of the lanes were basically solid ice, so we were flying down this hill...it was very much fun, even when a group of us hit the wall at the end and I fell on my back on the ice (ouch!)...off to the side was a cable system that would pull us to the top of the hill...we would give the handle of our tube to the worker and he would hook it to this cable and it would pull us to the top of the hill for another run...all except for the first time, I laid on my belly while being pulled to the top...my neck was kinda' hurting from skiing (wrecking) and it hurt to look up, so I was staring down at the ice as it whizzed past while I made my way up the mountain...not a great view, and not very relaxing...but then I forced myself to look up at the top of the hill...it felt very serene to do this as I glided up the hill...I could see the line of people as they laughed and talked while waiting for their next turn to go down...I am reading Visioneering by Andy Stanley, started it on this trip...in it he writes, "God is using your circumstances to prepare you to accomplish his vision for your life. Your present circumstances are part of the vision. You are not wasting your time. You are not spinning your wheels. You are not wandering in the wilderness. If you are 'seeking first' his kingdom where you are, then where you are is where he has positioned you. And he has positioned you with a purpose in mind. (p. 45)"...it's easy to look at the day to day and feel like I am spinning my wheels, like I am just trying to stay afloat, like the ice of life is just whizzing by...but in my life and in my ministry I must look ahead to the long-range goals and plans...the reason I am once again looking for a stupid game to play or video to show to the youth is because I want them to enjoy coming to church so they can begin and maintain a relationship with Christ...the reason I am doing the dishes again or doing another home project is so that I can serve my wife and be an example of what Christ is with the church (I don't always do this example so well)...focus on the finish line, not on the step in front of you...

That's enough for now...I'm sure there is more, but I'm feeling hungry and would like to go to lunch...until later...

Mark DeVries

He came to our church this past weekend for an Understanding Your Teenager seminar...I lined this up to be a ministry to our students by being a ministry to their parents...man, it was a great seminar!...we had close to 70 parents show up...if you are one of my youth ministry friends, or are in another area of ministry, I would highly recommend that you bring this group to do a seminar for your parents...the speaker takes the parents through twelve truths about teenagers and what to do about them...I'm not giving them to you...if i did, you wouldn't need them to come to your church...anyway, I think that the seminar was not only informative, but also very encouraging...Mark said two general things in particular that would be especially encouraging if I had teenagers of my own:

1. If your kids are acting like aliens and you think you are screwing up, you are not alone and you are actually doing your job well.
2. We Win (since the kids end up acting like their parents, much to their dismay, in a sense the parents win in the long run)...funny stuff.

On a side but related note, Mark also provided some very helpful info regarding youth ministry...he has been a youth a family minister in Nashville for several years...the two things that stood out in that conversation were:

1. Leave time each week for "balcony time" (taken from a business book)...what this means is setting aside a couple of hours each week to look at the ministry from above - from the balcony - and to look ahead...where do you want to take the ministry and how do we get there?...it is very easy to get caught up in the day to day and get wrapped up in the urgent...but if you don't take the time to get the birds-eye view, you/I will just be running on the treadmill but not really getting anywhere...maybe I'll start this next week.
2. Tips on recruiting...he suggested that I compile a list of 100 potential youth leaders (which means spending more time in the lobby before and after services and getting to know people)...categorize the list into the Michael Jordans (they would be so money if they were a youth leader, the 'they would be good leaders', and the 'probably would need some work but they would be OK'...this should be done in the early spring (now) to get ready for the fall...from there, start making phone calls, start spreading the vision, and start praying (I added that)...I have my work cut out for me...

On a final side note, Mark was a great guy, very warm and very funny...I was glad to meet him...kinda' strange that he wanted to be in bed by 8pm, but who am I to judge?...heck, he's training for a marathon and I just finished a cinnamon roll...

The Pressure is On

A while back, JD Walt asked me to check out the blog page for Asbury Seminary, which I did...I shot him back an e-mail asking when my blog was going to be featured on the site...mostly I was kidding because I read some of the stuff that was posted there and I knew that mine certainly did not belong...I mean, they talk about theology and important stuff...mostly I talk about sports and movies and junk...well, I glanced at their new updated site and discovered that my blog has been listed...the pressure is now officially on...I need to come up with some deep thoughts about preaching in a postmodern culture or some pithy commentary on the writings of Augustine or a thesis on expressing hospitality in a generation of relativity...or maybe I'll just keep being me and keep writing about Napoleon Dynamite and about how excited I am that the Browns will name a new coach next week...yeah, I like that option...

The Power of a Teenager

This past summer, I had one of our students intern with me...she was going into her senior year of high school...one of her potential career options is to be a youth pastor...this girl, Jen, is 18 going on 35...she shows great maturity for her age...anyway, she did a great job as an intern...one of the things she did was to plan out a night of worship and prayer...it was a great night of connecting with God...towards the end of the summer I told her that I would like her to teach during Freefall and Splash sometime during the year...she said she would...we are right now in the middle of an American Idol series, and last night we talked about beauty...this was the lesson she chose to teach...after she was done, I went up to her and told her to not tell our senior pastor about the night...she said she wouldn't, but why not?...I told her it was because I would lose my job so they could make her the youth pastor...she was AMAZING!...she had command of the group (the largest we have ever had), a great mix of serious and very funny, but most importantly, she brought the Word of God...Jen, if I had a vote, would choose the career path of being a youth pastor, because she would be a great one...this was another great reminder of why I do what I do...

A Great Loss

The other day we learned that Johnny Carson, former host of The Tonight Show, passed away from emphysema...even though he has been absent from the public eye for roughly 13 years, this is a great loss from the world of entertainment...he did more than probably anyone else for kick-starting the careers of great comedians from Jerry Seinfeld to Jay Leno to Drew Carey to David Letterman...stories say that he has been sending jokes to Letterman for him to use on the Late Show with David Letterman, so while he has been out of the public eye, he has still been contributing to the laughter of America...I remember fondly a bit that he tried in his later years...he began by mentioning the classic philosophical question, "If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a noise?"...he then proceeded to tell the audience that he had an audio recording that was made when a logger left a tape machine running in the woods, and when he returned to it, a tree had fallen...so now he, Johnny, had conclusive evidence to answer that age-old question...he pressed play on the tape recording and listened intently as the (blank) tape played...he listened for quite a while, maybe a minute, just waiting to hear something, while the audience nervously chuckled...then someone in the audience shouted out, "I've fallen and I can't get up!" to quote the old lady in the old First Alert commercials...I thought Johnny was going to bust a gut he laughed so hard...as he laughed, he looked up at the man in the audience and said, "Thank you! I didn't have an end to that bit."...classic Johnny, setting someone else up to get the laugh...I think I need to go out and rent one of his DVD collections...

Championship Sunday

This is it, the day that will determine who plays in the Super Bowl on Sunday, Feb. 6th...before last weekend's games, Marcy asked me who I thought would be playing in the Super Bowl...I told her that I thought the Patriots would play the Falcons in the big game...I am sticking with that prognostication (nice word, eh?)...I don't see anyone beating Belichick twice in the same year...he's just too dang smart (wish he had been that smart when he coached the Browns)...and Tom Brady is money in the postseason...and in the other game, I just have a feeling about the Falcons...no analysis, just a gut reaction...the Eagles are turning into the Bills of the early 90s...it's just starting to be kinda' fun to watch them lose in a gut-wrenching way...so there's my prediction for today's games...please do not use this as your basis for gambling on the games...if you do, you're bound to lose some money...

God is funny

I was just talking with Oral yesterday about how The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and anything by Bill Bryson were the only books that made me laugh out loud...that was until this morning...during my QT, I was reading in Joshua...chapter 13 starts with "Now Joshua was old and advanced in years when the LORD said to him, 'You are old and advanced in years...'"...leave it to God to state the obvious...made me laugh out loud...that God sure is a funny guy...

American Idol
Another January means the start of another season of American Idol...I, for one, am grateful...it's true, I am hooked on American Idol...I don't remember that being one of the addictions that Pastor Ron mentioned in his sermon on Sunday...some people - Marcy included - don't like the first couple of shows...they feel that they are too staged and that the judges are too mean...that's what got me hooked in the first place...here are a couple of observations from last night's season premiere:

• mad props to the youth pastor who was the first auditioner that they showed (except for the really awful National Anthem)...he showed that old guys can bring it, and that Christians don't have to be cheesy...in contrast...
• the girl who got up there and told them that God told her that she should be there and that she would be the next American Idol (or something like that)...then, while the judges were judging her, she was acting like God was whispering in her ear right then and there...she made Christians look downright silly (and not a little but hypocritical after her post-audition cuss-filled tirade)...
• the addition of Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray was nice...he was a pretty good judge (not as good as Quentin Tarrantino last year) with good comments and insights, good and bad...but he could have been a little less crass...the repeated comments about the one girl being hot and the other girl knowing how to spank were classless...not that anyone watches Idol for its classiness...
• that was a heartwarming story about the girl who had to pawn stuff to pay for her trip from Belpre, Ohio (Marcy's hometown) to Washington DC...I think she got through solely on her story, not her talent...but if I were her husband, I would be a little ticked off...she pawned her wedding ring(s?) instead of her karaoke machine and CDs?...I'd be less than supportive, too...
• wow, could Toni Braxton's cousin have been any more different than her?...
• Mary Roach was truly awful...I just hope they don't promote her and make her famous like they did with William Hung...the world needs only one of him, if that many...

More could be said, but I will leave it at that for now and let you add your own comments...

TOPIC: Wish I could eat that much...

Was doing a search to find some info for a youth talk, and I came across this blog posting...pictures of a 100lb. girl who successfully completed an 11lb. burger challenge...6 pounds of meat, 5 pounds of bun and other stuff...man, now that's impressive...

TOPIC: My wardrobe...

Apparently there are some people who think that they know the clothes that are in my wardrobe better than I do...last night at our senior high youth meeting, I taught in my socks, as I usually do...afterwards, one of our youth - Ally - came up to me and pointed out that my socks were the exact same color as this fleece thing I have, green with orange trim...I told her that I had no such fleece thing...she insisted that I did...I told her that the only things I had that were fleece were orange with black trim, and solid black...no green with orange...she still didn't believe me...she then proceeded to ask several of the other youth, and THEY ALL AGREED WITH HER!...I told them that they all did drugs before youth group because I had no such article of clothing...she then proceeded to call Marcy who told her that she was wrong, I had no such fleece thing...and as she left youth group, she still proclaimed that she was right and that Marcy and I didn't know what we were talking about...maybe I should check my closet again...

TOPIC: Cliches from hell...

Just a few of the cliches that make me cringe when I hear them:

-I have too much on my plate.
-Think outside the box.
-Work smarter, not harder.
-It's a God thing (I'm going to take some heat for that one).
-He/she wears many different hats.
-Give 110%.
-I'm peachy.
-Too many irons in the fire (closely related to the first one noted).

I'm sure there are others. Just can't come up with them right now. Feel free to comment and add your own...

TOPIC: The Week of Marcy...

The Week of Marcy has come to an end...the week has been in celebration of her 30th birthday, which was on Wednesday...as near as I can tell, she felt quite celebrated...my evidence is the fact that she said today, "I felt very celebrated."...yeah, I'm pretty deductive like that...it started last Friday with a surprise party at Oral's house...she was surprised as evidenced by the fact that, when they started singing Happy Birthday, she said, "It's not Mike's birthday!"...she had not a clue...she was given small gifts, 30 of each...then, part of the way through the party, her good friends Fran and Nina showed up all the way from Kentucky (I knew they were coming)...again, very surprised...we had a great weekend with them...Fran had made up a memory book for Marcy filled with letters from many of Marcy's family and friends - great gift...they left on Sunday...then Wednesday, I took Marcy to Saffron, her favorite Cape restaurant...yum!...then today, I was her chauffer...chaffuer...shofur...driver as I took her to St. Louis so she could shop...so the long-awaited Week of Marcy is now over...

By the way, I have informed Marcy that since I will be 20% older on my birthday, I get nine days for my birthday...can't wait for August!...

TOPIC: Audioblogging...

TOPIC: Bravo MLB...

Apparently, Major League Baseball and the Players' Association have come to an agreement about a tougher steroid testing policy...it includes tougher penalties - including a suspension for first-time offenders - random testing, and off-season testing...it's a good thing and it's about time...speaking as one who works with teenagers, I see how much professional athletes are worshipped by kids...I was at a freshman basketball game last week and I saw a kid make a free throw, after which he held his finger to his lips, making a "Shhhh!" gesture...again, this was a freshman...do you think he made up that gesture all on his own?...no, he saw some cocky, overpaid athlete do it, thought it was cool, and thought he would emulate him...you see it all the time - kids trying to be everything they think their idol is, including having their bad attitudes...what happens when it moves past the childish gestures and it includes putting harmful chemicals in their bodies so they can be built like Barry Bonds or Sammy Sosa?...no one really knows the long-term effects of steroids, but with professional athletes using - allegedly - these products, kids are just going to want to do it, too, not caring about the long-term consequences, potentially sacrificing their health and life for a few fleeting moments of glory...anything the leagues can do to cut down on the steroid and like products is a good thing...again, I say, "Bravo, MLB!"...

TOPIC: The Village

Well, M. Night Shyamalan has done it again for me...The Village came out on DVD yesterday so I made sure I picked it up to watch while Marcy was at small group...not her kind of movie...after the first fifteen minutes or so I thought, "I should have rented Collateral"...by the end I was glad I hadn't...another great movie with a surprise twist or two at the end...Shyamalan was starting out to be the next Alfred Hitchcock...after this movie, I would liken him more to Rod Serling of Twilight Zone fame...just one question (you may want to stop reading now if haven't seen the movie and still want to be surprised): How come they never saw planes flying overhead?...that is just my little nitpickiness shining through...great movie, though...here's how I would rank Shyamalan's movies:
1. The Sixth Sense
2. The Village
3. Unbreakable
4. Signs
I never saw Wide Awake or Praying With Anger...

TOPIC: Free iPod...

I didn't quite get enough money for Christmas to buy an iPod or video game system...I'm thinking about doing one of those free iPod offers that you get 70 e-mails for every day...I saw a news story on them on TV...they seem legit...you just have to complete one of the offers from one of their sponsor sites and get five or so of your friends to complete an offer, too...then, your iPod - or video game system, or computer, or whatever - is on its way...I'm a little nervous about having to complete an offer and I'm wondering my friends will hate me for suggesting that they complete an offer just so I can get free stuff...we'll see...will keep you informed...

TOPIC: Blogs I read...

Ally
Jonesy
JD
Asbury Seminary

TOPIC: A Christmas Poem...

Here is a Christmas Poem that our junior high school youth group helped me create...it's the same Mad Libs poem I did with the senior high...enjoy, and a belated Merry Christmas...

'Twas the grandma before Christmas and all through the meatloaf,
Not a creature was stirring, not even an idiot.
The elevators were hung by the elf with care,
In hopes that Johnny Depp would soon be yellow.
The mice were nestled all snug in their mistletoes,
While visions of pirates danced in their snorkel.
And Mom in her Chapstick and I in my shovel,
Had just settled down for a purple winter's flamethrower.
When out on the car there arose such a clatter,
I danced from my cherry pie to see what was the matter.
Away to the job, I ran like a flash,
Tore open the dog and threw up the bellybutton.
When what to my wondering elbow should appear,
But a blue sleigh and 15 shmelly reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and fast,
I knew in a moment it must be Charles.
More rapid than ducks, the pogosticks they came,
And he licked and shined and called them by name:
On Napoleon Dynamite and Fat Albert,
On Pinocchio and Amanda.
On Tyler and Don Vito,
And Derrick and Billy.
But I heard him jump as he drove out of sight,
"Dumb Christmas to all, and to all a good moustache!"

TOPIC: College football national championship...

Prior to last night's game, all of the prognosticators were saying that the upcoming championship game between USC and Oklahoma was, on paper, the best championship matchup ever...a total of four Heisman candidates on the field at the same time, including a winner on each team (the QB for USC won this year; the QB for OU won last year)...the numbers matched up ever so well...I thought, "How could it possibly be any better than when OSU beat Miami in the 2003 Fiseta Bowl for the championship?"...turns out I was right...last night was not a good game; it was a blowout...it wasn't very fun to watch...I turned it off and continued to read The Last Don by Mario Puzo, one of the three books I am currently reading...woke up this morning to find out that USC won 55-19...the OSU vs. Miami game still, in my mind, is the best college football championship game ever...period.

TOPIC: Catching up...

I've been away for a while...it's time to catch up. so here are some really random and very brief thoughts from the last however long:

• Preaching went well...got many good comments...it was fun preaching in the dark...I did that during the first half to symbolize the darkness that I was speaking on...kinda' hard to see my notes, but we had candles...some would say it was postmodern and experiential...some would say just weird...
• Went home for the holidays...it was nice to see the whole fam damily, but something has to change...the travel is just too much, 10-12 hours one way...and December is crazy enough already...this was the third Christmas that my wife and I have been together, and one or both of us have been sick each time...this time, I had a sinus infection and got a stomach nastiness while there, and Marcy had a migraine just before we left...we may have to alternate Christmases between the families...we'll see...
• How about them Buckeyes?...they came out and whupped up on the lesser OSU - Oklahoma State - in the Something-or-other Bowl...Ted Ginn, Jr. is an absolute freak!...I haven't seen someone that made everyone else look like they were standing still like that since Randy Moss in college...Go Bucks!...
• On another sports note, my Browns suck...they can't even lose right...if they had lost their last game, they would have gotten the second pick in the draft...now, because they actually won a game, they will draft #3...jugheads...
• Fave Christmas gifts, in no particular order: Napoleon Dynamite on DVD, French press coffee maker (and lots of Starbucks!), a quilt made from my old t-shirts, cool orange vest thing, U2 CD, cash money...
• The new Cranium game is great, Cranium Turbo...played it with family over New Years...much fun...
• The Cleveland Cavs got sold for $350 million...I would have bought them, but there is a $200 withdrawal limit from the ATM...bummer...
• Got to see some friends while in Wilmore overnight the other night...man, there are some good memories there...I sure miss that place and those people...it really is a great place...I think Marcy and I will be making a trip there in the spring to spend some more time...
• Big time prayers need to go out to southeast Asia...we cannot imagine the heartbreak that is happening over there...we lament the fact that over 1,000 of our soldiers have died in the year plus since we went to Iraq...150,000 lost their lives almost instantly there...please pray for them, and when you are done, pray again...

That's enough for right now...going to try to straighten up my office...not a fun job...

TOPIC: Preaching soon...

I get the opportunity to preach again in Big Kids' Church this coming Sunday...I really like to do this...ultimately, I love teaching teenagers about the things of God, but I also really dig the chances I get to do it with adult-type people...I am preaching about John 9, the passage of the man who has been blind his whole life, and then Jesus heals him..."I was blind but now I see!"...what a great summary of the Christian life...once we were stumbling around clueless, but then we met Jesus and He helped make sense of things...don't know how many people will be there on Sunday, seeing as how it is the day after Christmas and all...doesn't matter...still looking forward to it...now I just need to hope and pray that I feel better by then...don't want to be sniffling or hacking up phlegm throughout the sermon...

TOPIC: Jury duty...

How did I get picked for jury duty???...I have only lived in this town for a year and a half, and I get picked?...ridiculous...anyway, I went in last week to do my duty as an American...Marcy's first question when I got home was, "Was it interesting?"...in a word, no...it was quite boring...we stood around for a while, then sat around for a long while while we were read instructions, and then questioned, first by the prosecutor, and then by the defense attorney...after a long recess, we were given the results...as it turns out, I was not selected to be one of the twelve...it's probably a good thing that I was not chosen, because the defense attorney was so annoying, so condescending, that I wanted the prosecutor to win on that basis alone...she treated us like we were third graders and had never heard of the judicial process before...I know, how childish of me to base the fate of a man on that...that's why I say that it is a good thing that I was not among the twelve...

TOPIC: A Christmas Poem...

Here is a Christmas Poem that our high school youth group helped me create...it's a sort of Mad Libs...in case you can't figure it out, the words in italics are the ones I had them fill in...enjoy, and Merry Christmas...

'Twas the dog before Christmas and all through the clock,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a snowflake.
The hockey pucks were hung by the moose with care,
In hopes that George W. Bush would soon be smelly.
The monkeys were nestled all snug in their bumper cars,
While visions of dogs danced in their duck.
And Mom in her shovel and I in my snowman,
Had just settled down for a lysdexic winter's tree.
When out on the baby there arose such a clatter,
I skipped from my curtain to see what was the matter.
Away to the gator, I ran like a flash,
Tore open the on/off switch and threw up the boy.
When what to my wondering liver should appear,
But a bright sleigh and 32 ugly reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and greasy,
I knew in a moment it must be Marcy.
More rapid than boogers, the pencils they came,
And he vomited and licked and called them by name:
On Sasquatch and Elvis,
On Dave Matthews and Barbie.
On Tom York and Frosty the Snowman,
And Ashton Kutcher and Napoleon.
But I heard him squat as he drove out of sight,
"Yummy Christmas to all, and to all a good pig!"

TOPIC: Discipline

If you have read this blog at all, you probably know that I have a puppy...she is now a little over 5 months old...for the past several weeks, we have been taking her through obedience classes...that has been very good for her, and for us...this coming week, we actually have to be tested to see if Attie passes and gets her diploma...she has been doing very well, so we had no reason to believe that she wouldn't graduate...then comes last night...it was not a good night of training...it seemed like the things she had learned about stay-ing had been completely removed from her doggie mental framework...I would tell her to stay, and she would stand up and walk right along with me, as if I had never said anything...as a result, she would get quite a yank on her pinch collar...the more and more I did this, the more timid she would get...she also, surprisingly enough, got very loving...she knew something was wrong, and she probably knew I was causing it, but it just made her want to cuddle up to my legs and have me hold her...man, did I feel awful!...I was hurting her, but she just loved on me all the more...I knew what I was doing was for her own good...it still hurt, though...I wonder: does God hurt when He disciplines us?...and why don't we love Him all the more when He does?...hmmmm...

TOPIC: God makes me shake my head

As I type this post, I am listening to an MP3 of my cousin preaching at my home church in Ohio...it makes me think about our family and what we are doing with our lives...here I am, in Missouri, a youth pastor...my cousin that is preaching on my computer right now is a worship leader in Ohio...another cousin is a youth pastor in Pennsylvania...how weird is it to have three people in the same family in full-time ministry?...and my brother is seminary-trained, too...makes me shake my head...this is not to downplay anyone else who works at a job outside of the local church...I know they have a ministry that is just as important as the ones we hold in the church...but as I think about our childhoods (can that be pluralized?), I just find it a little baffling the way that God has directed our lives...He never ceases to surprise me...

TOPIC: Closeness...

I have a good dog...this morning, Attie sat patiently by the back door, waiting for me to finish drinking my coffee and reading my Bible...I finally got up to let her out...she wandered out to the back sidewalk, but instead of running around the yard sniffing leaves or going into the yard to facilitize (go to the bathroom), she started heaving and came back up on the porch with me...I recognized that she was getting ready to throw up, so I tried to get her back down into the yard so as not to make a mess on the porch...but she wanted to stay close to me...so I simply petted her and talked with her while she vomited on the porch - twice...it's like that with our relationship with God...we are happy to run around the yard, footloose and fancy-free, until things are cruddy...then we scamper back up onto the porch to puke before God...the difference is that God never tries to push us back down into the yard...He simply strokes our back and speaks softly to us...I have a good God...

TOPIC: The sports doldrums...

Thank goodness for Lebron James and the rest of the Cleveland Cavaliers...if it weren't for them, I would be in a majorly bummed state as far as my sports loyalties go...the OSU Buckeyes never really showed up this year (except for against Michigan, which was nice)...the Browns are pitiful (except that Luke McCown got a start, which I predicted before the season)...and my fantasy football team reeks in a significant way...all I can say is, "Go Cavs!"

TOPIC: I will be the next Head Coach of The Cleveland Browns...

Want evidence? Read the application letter I just submitted below...

November 30, 2004
RE: Head Coaching Position

John Collins
c/o The Cleveland Browns
Training Facility and Administrative Complex
76 Lou Groza Blvd.
Berea, Ohio 44017

Dear John Collins,
It has come to my attention, through my good friend Chris Mortensen (I consider him a good friend as I listen to him regularly on ESPN Radio), that the position of Head Coach of The Cleveland Browns has recently become vacant. It is my deep desire to throw my hat into the ring of possible candidates to fill this opening.

I feel strongly that I have what it takes to be a head coach in today’s NFL. Most people that know me would say that I am sorely under qualified for this position. They base this solely on the fact that I have no professional, college, or high school coaching experience. In addition, I have no experience playing organized football (unless you count soccer, which I played for several years in high school). However, I have one year’s coaching experience at the YMCA Pee-Wee level. And I have been following football – and The Cleveland Browns – very closely for many years and feel that I have a keen mind for the game. When Brian Sipe threw the infamous “Red Right 88” interception against the Raiders in 1980, I knew even before he threw it that he should throw the ball into Lake Erie. When John Elway led “The Drive,” and two seasons ago when the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Browns in the playoffs, I screamed at the TV to not use the prevent defense, which the Browns employed and ultimately lost. And numerous times, I have made comments and observations about various games, to which friends and families have replied, “Wow! You should be coaching this team.” These are just a few of the evidences of my football mind. As a result, I am now looking for my opportunity to make a difference for the Browns.

Thank you for considering me for this opening. I would love to be the next Head Coach of The Cleveland Browns, and I feel that we would be a great match! Please contact me for my resume, if you have any questions, or to set up an interview. Thank you again…

Thank you,

Michael C. Fitzpatrick
MCF/mcf

TOPIC: Thanksgiving

With only a few minutes before I head home for the long Thanksgiving holiday (my local home, not Ohio), there isn't much time to compile a good list of things to be thankful for...but I'll come up with what I can:

-God, and the fact that I can have a relationship with Him...
-My lovely and patient wife Marcy...
-La Croix Church, it's leadership, and the great people I get to work with...
-the awesome youth of La Croix...
-Hostess Ho-Hos...
-all Cleveland sports teams (even though they often make me mad)...
-all the good friends in my life, especially Joe and Trey...
-my fantastic family...
-my puppy (who's quickly turning into a dog) Attie...
-modern conveniences: TV, telephones, computers, microwave, coffee maker, electricity, stereos and CDs, DVDs, etc....
-Adidas sandals...
-my car...
-Evil Dead 2...
-Arrested Development...
-living in the USA...
-reading materials...
-the color orange...
-David Wilcox music...
-Graeter's Ice Cream...
-Quizno's...
-Homestar Runner...
-kids...
-when someone says, "duty" (it makes me giggle because it sounds like "doody")...

This is by far NOT an exhaustive list, but I want to go home now...happy Thanksgiving to you and yours...

TOPIC: New CD in the player...

Currently listening to tobyMac's new CD...borrowed it from a co-worker...most excellent...it is clear that this guy was the driving force and the creative element behind DC Talk...Tait is OK, and Kevin Max went nowhere fast...toby keeps pushing the envelope and coming out with great music...I'll be wearing out this CD, fo sho (that was me trying to sound cool)...

TOPIC: Thank goodness it's over...

The ballots have been cast, and the results are final...I watched as Kerry conceded the election today, and then a short while later, Bush gave his victory speech...I am not only glad because Bush won (yeah, that's who I voted for - it's out there now)...but I'm even more glad that the whole election process is over...these Presidential election campaigns, as well as all the other local and state election campaigns, were U-G-L-Y...namecalling, accusations, twisting truths, and just downright meanness got me all fed up with the election process...not to mention the fact that there will be no political commercials for a while...now we can get back to important commercials, for things like Cialis, Pepto-Bismol, and Kotex...OK, maybe political ads aren't all that bad...I have this weird new fantasy...I want to run for political office and simply be me - t-shirts, jeans, and all - and be really nice..."Hi, I'm Fitz, and I approve this message. If you elect me President, here are the things I will try to accomplish: _________________. Now my opponent, Joe Blow, is saying some negative things about me. That's OK. He's allowed to. That's what makes this country great. Joe is actually a pretty good guy. I don't agree with everything he says, but he has strong convictions, is a good husband, and a great dad..."...anyway, you get the picture...I might actually gain a few votes from people who like nice guys...but you know what they say about nice guys...

TOPIC: The Red Sox...

I am quite glad that the Boston Red Sox finally won the World Series...this is not because I am a Boston fan; I am a lifelong, faithful Indians fan...this is not because I hate the Cardinals; they are currently my National League team, thanks to me living near St. Louis...this is also not because I felt bad for the Red Sox, since they haven't won a World Series since 1918...this is simply because maybe this means they will quit whining already..."WAAAAHH!! We haven't won a World Series in soooo long."..."WAAAAHH!! The Curse of the Bambino."..."WAAAAHH!! Bill Buckner let that ball go through his legs."..."WAAAAHH!! We have it so bad."...give me a break...hopefully this will put an end to all that sniveling and carrying on...

Now we just need to get the Cubs a World Series and we're all set...